Controversially Vaughan's

Mixture of Shoaib Akhtar's Controversially Yours and
Michael Vaughan's Vaseline reference.

I am just getting sick of writing about the Champion's league. So, I've decided that I will never do it again until I get sponsorships from viable sources.

Meanwhile, the India-England ODIs have started out with not one, but FOUR absolutely convincing victories. Besides, it's all because Dhoni finally got to meet his astrologer.

Also, a few days ago, I sent Michael Vaughan (Yes, Michael Vaughan) a picture, and guess what? He shared it with all his followers!

Now I am Famous!!

Pakistani Cricket news now, Shahid Afridi has once again announced his comeback from retirement. For the Ump-Teenth time.

Virat Kohli is again trying too hard to be as consistent (in batting) as a military general (in his bathroom habits).

If you are getting bored of conventional commentary on TV, tune into Pitch Invasion, an online cricket show where almost anything goes. 

India Injured XI

The England v India series cannot be called a delight by an average Indian cricket fan, because they have been losing every single match played till now. (I have written this before the 3rd ODI at The Oval, and you can't be too sure of  India emerging triumphant.) The only one to blame is definitely Jonathan Trott. Reason: It's obvious that he is the one to blame for anything in the universe that goes wrong. Even The Chuck-Fleetwood Smiths would agree.

Moving on, we cannot ignore the fact that some of key players are injured. Ok, not some, lots. In fact, we can make an entire team of Injured player from the Eng v India 2011 tour. Here it is.

Virendar Sehwag and Gautam Gambhir: India's best ever opening pair. Best, at getting injured. Sehwag has been suffering since the IPL and Gautam got a blow on his head, while attempting a catch.
Sachin Tendulkar: I mentioned him in my last blog, and I'm mentioning it again. He's on a hat-trick! He's also on a diet to cure himself of toe-swelling.
Rohit Sharma again misses a golden opportunity for playing for his country by breaking his finger. He will fly back saying that he went to England to defend the ball. Just once.
Yuvraj Singh has hit the jackpot with some injury which I fail to remember.
MS Dhoni (C)(WK) just bit his tongue and is declared unfit for the next 30 seconds.
Chateshwar Pujara handily avoids the trouble of visiting England by going to the hospital for a surgery.
Harbhajan Singh has stretched his upper abdomen a bit and want's to see his mommy back in Punjab.
Zaheer Khan asked his astrologer how he would fare at Lord's. The astrologer, without the slightest of clues, insisted that Zac must return to India before Day 4 of the Lord's Test. Or else he would be killed. Zaheer niftily faked a Hamstring and returned home.
Ishant Sharma: the tips of his hair got injured. And probably his arm.
Ashish Nehra took a brave decision, by deciding to get injured, prior to the tour. Intelligent foresight.\

What a well equipped team it looks, doesn't it?

In the meantime, a brand new league called  Z Premier League (ZPL) has been started and I am their Exclusive press person. No match will be telecast and no news channel/paper will it feature in. All of this because they want to show N Srinivasan, what 'Low Budget' actually means. So, as I am their representative, the Eight Teams who will be playing for the ultimate prize - which is a donut.

1. South Sudanian Sledgehammers (SSS)
2. Peruvian Polo-snatchers (PPS)
3. Mighty XI Qatar (MXIQ)
4. Western Warlocks (WW)
5. Martian Octopuses (MO)
6. Cashew-nut Cannibals (CNC)
7. Tibetian Jack Screws (TJS)          and
8. Victorious Misers (VM)

I will be giving you all the updates. Keep Following.

You can also Follow me on Twitter: @3rdUmp

and you can Like our Facebook page.

Cheers!

Preview of Eng vs. Ind. Part One of a Unology.

Good Morning/Noon/Afternoon/Evening/Night to all my dear viewers. Today I'll be kind enough to:

• Discuss the upcoming India-England series.
• Bring to you the second episode of PPCQ

Apart from these, the matters that I will not be discussing in this post are:

• The recent Mumbai Bomb blasts.
• How to teach your pet rhinoceros to skateboard.
• The current condition of the Archbishop of Canterbury.
• The latest advances in the field of Bungee Jumping

Sorry folks, all those, not here.

Now lets get straight to the topic: India vs. England Sorry, I keep getting my priorities wrong, It's England vs. India. Donkeys last, well, I meant Host first. The greatest event since the dawn of the England-India series. Now we don't know who could possibly this one, but it's still anyone's game. (Anyone as in only England and India)(And maybe former South Africa)(And not anyone else)(Which may include Sri Lanka, Namibia, Ukraine or Cambodia)(And I am over-explaining myself).

Yes, there is lots of news. First and foremost, Virender Sehwag will be missing the first few test matches which means that

• England will have the upper hand (Well, they already do because the average height of English player is greater than that of the Indian players which means that their hands will be above the Indians and therefore will have the 'upper hand')
• India will miss the upper cut.

Also, there might be a slight problem arising if I say that Jack Hobbs and Ian Botham will not be available for the India vs Former SA India vs. England series due to age old problems of aging old.

There is also the issue of Sachin Whatsoeverkar admittedly confessing that he is not thinking about his 100th ton. Any amateur detective can deduce that this means that he will be making his hundred in style at Lord's in the first Test.

And as far as DRS goes, I'm not the one you have to uproach. You see, the BCCI keeps changing their views about DRS as often as Kamran Akmal changes his gloves. Well, very often. So I have made a solemn pledge that I will not follow the developments in DRS for ETERNITY. May the court of law sue me if I don't abide by my decision.

That concludes the first half of my post.

Now for the second part,

Episode #2 of THE POST POST CRICKET QUIZ!


For the compete guide of the PPCQ and the rules and regulations, click here.

Today's Question:

Which two South African test batsmen have the record for the second highest partnership for the First wicket?
HINT: They both play/played for England.

OPTIONS:

1. Cook & Strauss
2. Strauss & Trescothick
3. Cook & Trescothick
4. Grace & Hutton
5. Hobbs & Rhodes
6. Boycott & Gooch
7. Atherton & Tavare
8. Vaughan & Butcher
9. All of the Above
10. None of the Above.

Think

Think

Think

That's It, Time's Up!

And the right answer is:

     5.  Hobbs & Rhodes.

And if you have answered it right, you have won yourself a black and white portrait of Mona Lisa. To claim your prize, call the anonymous Toll free number: 1800-MONA-LISA.

That's all for today!

Cheers!

Reasons for India winning against West Indies. And Episode #1 of PPCQ.

Reasons why India won the tour against West Indies:

• They had a good team.
• They deserved winning.
• They are the No.1 in Test cricket.
• West Indies did not  have a good team.
• The year was not 1975 when the West Indian pace attack was much better than what it is now.
• Sachin Tendulkar did not score a century.
• Darren Sammy was the WI Captain.
• MSD was India's Captain.
• Ravi Rampaul did not fulfill Sir Gary Sobers' prophecy of Rampaul becoming the greatest test bowler of all time.*
• The Umpires were in our favour.
• The commentators' list did not include Ravi Shastri's name. He allegedly opted out of the tour. This is clearly club over country. Talk about Chris Gayle.
• The crew of officials who went to the Caribbean included an Astrologer.
• A mad rampaging rogue elephant did not invade the pitch when India was fielding.

Ah, that concludes the first part of the post.

* - Citation Required

The second and last part contains a reputed interactive online cricket quiz which has lots of prizes!
Welcome to the inaugural episode of: THE POST POST CRICKET QUIZ! (PPCQ)

Rules and Regulations:

• Each contestant must have a piece of white paper and a world-widely-accepted writing instrument. These may include pens, pencils, markers, sketch pens, chalk and feathers dipped partially in ink. These are not allowed: your nose (if running), invisible ink, dice, a cricket bat, a scribe (even if blind), an empty water bottle or your new TV remote.
• You have to hire/buy/arrange your own stop clock and time keeper.
• The time given for each question (though there is only one question) is: As long as you like!
• You have to be in a good mood and not be sulky/depressed when you enter and at all other times during the quiz. (Even if you got the Answer wrong.
• And I forgot to close the bracket.) There, all done.

Here comes the question folks:

Q) Which of the the following was the place which the first ever world cup game between England and India held?
HINT: Yes, It was the one where Sunil Gavaskar cleared the ropes and thrashed the English bowlers with an EXPLOSIVE innings of 36 (not out) of 174 balls. 


Ans)        Is it:

1. M. Chinnaswami Stadium.
2. Sydney Cricket Ground (SCG).
3. Old Trafford.
4. Pallekele. (If properly spelt)
5. Karachi
6. Sharjah.
7. Lord's.
8. Kingsmead Durban.
9. All of the above.
10. None of the above.

Now time for fellow contestants to jot down their preferred answer. If you are a contestant, please read on only after you have completed filling in the answer.
.
.
.
Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, the time you have all been waiting for, the answer discussion session!


For the question stated above the correct answer was:

   7.   Lord's.

Congratulations to all those contestants (if any) if you have got it right. You have won yourself a pat on your back! Hope you enjoyed your prize!


That's it for today and I hope to see you next time on: THE POST POST CRICKET QUIZ!

Cheers!